It will never be the same

I write this with a heavy heart and tears coming down my face. I don’t think I could ever find the words to express the pain that I feel. It’s like a part of me was taken, and things will never be the same.

Two weeks ago, we received a call from my uncle in Mexico letting us know that my grandmother had a heart attack and the doctors were doing everything that was in their power to keep her alive. I didn’t quite process the news because to be honest, I refused to accept it. My grandma had been fighting for so long, there was no way she was leaving us now. My uncle called us back a couple minutes later only to inform us that the efforts had failed, and my grandma had passed away.

I share this not to receive empathy, pity, or compassion, but more so to continue to be transparent with you all despite how difficult the circumstances may be. Trust me, this is so hard for me to share and open up about, but it is what I am going through right at this very moment, so it is what I feel the need to talk about.

Emotionally I have already accepted what has happened, but I am still in the process of healing. This healing stage has really made me do a lot of thinking and reflecting. I have been learning and have been reminded of some very valuable life lessons.

I think the hardest lesson for me to come to terms with is that difficult moments like this one, truly show you who your real friends are. It is easy for people to be there when everything is going well, but who is actually there for you when you really need them, and who is not? Who cares enough to check in to see how you’re doing, to call you, and to try to see you. It’s been beautiful to discover who those true friends are, but it has also been a rude awakening to realize who is not. Not everyone who you considered to be your friend will be there for you in the way you thought they’d be. These moments really show you that genuine friends are hard to come across All there is to do is pay attention, appreciate, and hold on to the people that were there for you when you needed them the most.

Secondly, the most valuable lesson I was reminded of is that you never know what someone is going through or what battle they’re fighting, so always be kind. We all go through things, and we have different ways of coping. I, for instance, wanted to be very private about this, until I felt emotionally ready to share. I didn’t post anything on social media, nor did I tell many people. The reality is that just because some people are not sharing their difficulties on social media, it doesn’t mean that their life is perfectly ok. It just means that they’re choosing to be private about their situation. If it’s you that is going through something, know that you’re not alone. Whatever battle you may be fighting, you WILL get through it. I still am. We are all human and these challenges are part of life, and part of growth. What I do ask is that we please always remember to have a good heart and be kind to people, despite the way their life may appear to be.

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Escribo esto con el corazón en la mano y los ojos llenos de lágrimas. No creo jamás poder encontrar las palabras para expresar el dolor que siento. Es como si hubieran arrancado una gran parte de mí, y las cosas jamás volverán a ser igual.

Hace 2 semanas, recibimos una llamada de mi tío en México con la cual nos dejaba saber que mi abuelita había sufrido un paro cardiaco, y que los doctores estaban haciendo su mayor esfuerzo para mantenerla viva. No procesé la noticia porque para ser honesta, no la quería aceptar. Mi abuelita había sida tan fuerte, toda una guerrera, no era posible que ya se nos fuera a ir. Mi tío nos habló de regreso minutos después solo para informarnos que el esfuerzo de los doctores había fallado, y mi abuelita había fallecido.

Comparto esto no para recibir empatía, compasión, ni lastima, pero más para continuar siendo 100% honesta con ustedes a pesar de lo difícil que sean las circunstancias. Créanme que esto es sumamente difícil para mí de compartir, pero es justo por lo que estoy pasando en este momento, entonces siento la necesidad de hablar sobre el tema.

Emocionalmente, ya acepté lo sucedido, pero aún estoy en el proceso de recuperarme de haber perdido a un ser tan querido. Esta etapa me ha hecho pensar y reflexionar mucho. He estado aprendiendo y recordando lecciones muy valiosas.

Pienso que la lección más difícil de aceptar es que los momentos difíciles como este nos muestran quienes son nuestros amigos verdaderos. Es fácil que la gente esté ahí cuando las cosas van bien, ¿pero quien está ahí cuando en realidad los necesitamos? ¿A quien le importas lo suficiente para que te quiera ver, para que te marque a ver cómo estas? Ha sido increíble descubrir quiénes son nuestros verdaderos amigos, pero también ha sido muy decepcionante darnos cuenta de quienes no lo son. No todos los que consideras ser amigos, estarán ahí de la manera que tu esperabas. Estos momentos muestran que amigos verdaderos son muy difícil de encontrar. Lo único que podemos hacer es poner atención a quienes son esas personas, apreciarlas, y valorar a los que estuvieron ahí cuando más los necesitabas.

Todo esto también me ha recordado de una lección muy importante que es que nunca sabemos por lo que está pasando una persona o con que batalla están luchando, por eso siempre debemos actuar con gentileza y amor. Todos pasamos por algo, y todos tenemos diferentes maneras de lidiar con nuestras situaciones. Yo, por ejemplo, quise ser muy privada con esta situación hasta sentirme emocionalmente lista para compartirla. No subí nada a las redes sociales ni le dije a mucha gente.  La realidad es que solo porque alguna gente decide no compartir sus dificultades no so significa que todo en sus vidas está perfectamente bien, solo quiere decir que prefieren mantener ciertas situaciones privadas. SI acaso eres tu quien está pasando por una dificultad, quiero que sepas que no estás solo. Créeme que vas a poder vencer cualquier situación por la que estés pasando. Todos somos seres humanos, y estos retos son parte de la vida, y parte de nuestro crecimiento. Lo que si pido que siempre recordemos tener un buen corazón y ser nobles con los demás, a pesar como aparenten ser sus vidas.

86 thoughts on “It will never be the same

  1. Thank you for sharing. I’m sorry for your loss. Some times I kept to myself too. I always check up on my friends just by saying “good morning, good afternoon have a bless day” I want them knowing I’m always a call or text away.
    Cindy you are insperational and have a beautiful spirit about you. I know I’m not a close friend of yours but know when I read your thoughts or quotes their meanings are felt. We all have our own history to tell like we are learning about yours. God bless 🙏🏽

    1. Thank YOU David! It is SOOOOO important to let your friends know you’re thinking of them, to check up on them, that’s why I am so grateful for everyone that did. Your comment leaves me nearly speechless to be honest, because my purpose is to be, and to do just that. To know that you feel that way means the absolute world, so thank you! Sending you blessings 🙂

  2. First of all my condolences to you & your family. I’m keeping you guys on my prayers 🙏 tonight. Thank you for opening up and letting us know what it’s going on with you.
    It means a lot. I lost my Dad at very young age & not talking about it was the worst thing I’ve done. So much respect to you Cindy. Te mando un abrazo y buena vibra hechale ganas.

    1. Thank you Oscar, for your message, and for sharing your story. It is so difficult, but I felt it was important to share because I know I am not the only one going through a difficulty. Buena vibra a ti tambien, y te mando muchas bendiciones!

  3. Te entiendo perfecto mi abuelo falleció el viernes alas 3:03 pm en la cuidad de Guadalajara ,todos los años voy y este año 🙁no fui y eso me tiene mal ,su muerte fue inesperada ,el se cayo y golpeó en la cabeza , lo llevaron al hospital y horas después murió ,siento mucho tu perdida ,y te abrazo en tu dolor por q se lo que atas pasando 🙏🏼

    1. Lamento mucho lo de tu abuelito. Es muy dificil pero debemos recordar que ellos ya estan en un mejor lugar. Me gustaria saber tu nombre para mantenerte en mis oraciones. Se fuerte, saldremos adelante 🙂

  4. SO beautiful amiga! tough moments like these put EVERYTHING into perspective. What keeps me going is although humans may fail us, GOD will ALWAYS be by our side amiga. He is with us through the good and bad. Kim let me know the day you girls were on your way to Mexico and like I told her, you are all in my family and I’s prayers. May God continue to bring healing and a sense of peace to you and your family amiga! May God continue to bless you each and everyday. I can’t wait to see you this weekend! Love you always!!!!!!

    1. AMEN! God truly will always be by our side. Kim did tell me that you were praying for us, and that you’ve been checking in with her to see how we are doing, and trust, that and your prayers means more to us than you will ever know. Thank you for being such an amazing friend, and for always being there with us, and for us. I love you so much, and can’t wait to see you this weekend either <3

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