Toxic Relationships

Toxic relationships are a truth we are often afraid to face, sometimes ashamed to admit of, and in some instances even unaware of being trapped in.

They’re complex, and there’s no exact guidebook as to how to avoid them, or how to get out of them, but what we could do is bring some light to the subject. I know this is a very sensitive topic, but I knew in my heart I had to talk about it when I received such a high response on Instagram when I asked about it.

Whether it’s been us directly or someone we know/love we’ve all dealt with toxic relationships to some extent.

According to an online article from Time Magazine, “toxic relationships are consistently draining, negative, unpleasant, and bring persistent unhappiness.” The people involved develop unhealthy behaviors and treat each other disrespectfully. Some behaviors are more obviously toxic like any kind of abuse whether it is physical, verbal, and/or emotional, while others are a lot more subtle and can be harder to identify.

Women’s Health Magazine says some red flags include feeling like you’re not enough for your partner, questioning your worth, lowering of self-esteem, waiting/hoping for them to change, lack of trust, friends/family are concerned, making excuses for their bad behavior, among many others. Although no relationship is perfect, it’s important to be aware that continuously experiencing any of these behaviors is not healthy.

So why do people behave in toxic ways, and why do others decide to stay? Oddly enough, the answer is very much the same for both. Time Magazine says that this usually stems from something much deeper, like having previously experienced a toxic relationship either romantically or as a child, a rough upbringing, and any form of trauma. There’s a fear of being alone, letting go when there’s been so much time/energy invested, starting over, hope for change, and even denial.

I wish there was magical solution to dealing with and/or avoiding toxic relationships, but reality is there isn’t. Whether you’re creating toxic behavior, or receiving it, I feel the one common answer is truly practicing self-love. I know this is a very simplistic way of putting it, but what I mean by that is find help: see a therapist, read self-help books, seek God. Truly give yourself the space and time to work on you. If you’re going through this, know that you’re not alone, and remember that you don’t have to stay there. As hard and scary as it may seem in the moment, sometimes you just have to build up the courage and let go. It’s not easy, and it’s a journey that usually takes time, but YOU are worth that journey. Know your worth and remember that there is someone out there who will value and appreciate you for who you are, the way you deserve.

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Las relaciones toxicas son una verdad que muchas veces nos da miedo enfrentar, a veces admitir que estamos en ellas, y en muchas ocasiones ni estamos conscientes de estar atrapados en ellas.

Son complejas, y no hay una guía indicada en cómo evadirlas, o como salir de ellas, pero lo que si podemos hacer es hablar sobre el tema, y crear aún más consciencia. Sé que este es un tema muy sensible, pero cuando hice la pregunta en Instagram recibí tantas respuestas que supe en mi corazón que me tocaba hablar sobre esto.

Ya seamos nosotros directamente o alguien que conocemos/amamos todos hemos tenido que lidiar con una relación toxica de alguna otra manera.

Un artículo de Time Magazine dice, “las relaciones toxicas son constantemente agotadoras, negativas, desagradables, y llenas de infelicidad.” Las personas involucradas desarrollan comportamientos que no son sanos, y se tratan irrespetuosamente. Algunos hábitos son más obviamente tóxicos que otros como cualquier tipo de abuso ya sea físico, verbal, y/o emocional, mientras otros son más difíciles de identificar.

Women’s Health Magazine dice que algunas indicaciones de este tipo de relación son sentirse como que no eres suficiente para tu pareja, cuestionar tu valor, bajón de autoestima, esperar que ellos cambien, falta de confianza, preocupación por parte de amistades/familiares, hacer excusas por su mal comportamiento, y muchas otras cosas. Aunque ninguna relación es perfecta, es importante estar conscientes de que pasar por estas cosas continuamente no es sano.

¿Entonces porque la gente se comporta de manera toxica, y porque sus parejas deciden quedarse? Curiosamente, la respuesta es igual para los dos. Time Magazine dice que esto típicamente es debido a algo mucho más profundo, como haber pasado anteriormente por una relación toxica amorosamente o en la infancia, dificultades que enfrentaron en su niñez, y cualquier tipo de traumas. Existe el miedo a estar solos, dejar ir cuando se ha invertido tanta energía y tanto tiempo, comenzar de cero, la esperanza de que las cosas cambien, y hasta no querer aceptar/admitir la situación.

Me encantaría que hubiera una solución mágica en cómo enfrentar/evadir relaciones toxicas, pero la realidad es que no la hay. Ya sea la persona creando el comportamiento toxico, o la persona recibiéndolo, siento que comparten la misma respuesta y es realmente practicar el amor propio. Sé que es una manera muy sencilla de poner las cosas, pero lo que eso significa es buscar ayuda: ir un psicólogo, leer libros de autoayuda, buscar a Dios. Realmente asegura darte ese tiempo y espacio para trabajar en ti. Si estás pasando por esta situación, quiero que sepas que no estas [email protected], y recuerda que no te tienes que quedar ahí. Por más difícil que parezca ser en el momento, a veces simplemente tienes que agarrar fuerza y dejar ciertas cosas ir. No es fácil, y es una jornada que muchas veces toma tiempo, pero créeme que TU vales la pena! Reconoce lo que vales, y recuerda que sí existe alguien que te apreciara y valorara como lo mereces.

References: https://time.com/5274206/toxic-relationship-signs-help/

https://www.womenshealthmag.com/relationships/a19739065/signs-of-toxic-relationship/

5 thoughts on “Toxic Relationships

  1. I felt this to my core. Toxic relationships are scary. Especially when you start becoming toxic like your partner. I started questioning my worth, and it was horrible thinking that way. I would tell my friends about the relationship pattern with my ex. I was one of those that would go back and fourth in that relationship. I knew I had to leave the relationship because I started becoming a different person towards my family, friends but most importantly myself. I’ve always been big on self love, but once I took a marriage class for my sociology major it changed my life. I learned so much about self love and relationships. The professor assigned the book “mastery of love” by Miguel Ruiz. That book is amazing, we wrote an essay on it. we had to write about our past relationships or current and I got super emotional. I got emotional because I realized, I lost self love at that time during that toxic relationship. Self love is everything. I also did see a therapist. In the Hispanic culture when you see a therapist they considered you que “estás loca”. Si estoy loca, pero loca de quererme yo misma, y seguir adelante.
    Thank you so much Cindy, for your amazing blogs 😭♥️

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